Why, yes, that is a bed in a bathtub. Thank you for asking. How come? For today's New Thing, of course: Colonic Hydrotherapy.
And half the readers exit the blog.
Okay, now that it's just us I can tell you all about it. Once again, I took the dubious advice of Storm Large, who is fast becoming my life coach, and went to Chakra 17, which was indeed a chakra to my system. (I debated about taking another friend's recommendation for a place actually called All's Well That Ends Well just for the name alone, but they tried to upsell him for additional sessions, and I abhor upselling.)
At Chakra 17 I was attended to by the very soothing Alec, very soothing being a job requirement for someone who is going to Roto-Rooter your bowels for an hour and fifteen minutes.
Alec's job is something akin to a birthing coach, that is assuming you were giving birth to ten pounds of poo.
"We try to put the God in your anus," said his boss Wendy, and I will admit it's a tingle-inducing, mind-altering experience. What's more, I did say "Holy shit" several times. Because, soothing or not, Alec was still pumping gallons of water up my bum while simultaneously flushing out the contents of my large intestine. Imagine someone draining wax from your ear--with a vacuum.
Afterwards, I felt totally light-headed. Which makes me concerned that I truly must be shit-for-brains. From an emotional standpoint, however, the metaphor is irresistible. I mean, to clear away all of one's accumulated shit--that's a powerful symbol.
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