Saturday, August 23, 2008

New Day #240

Yes, I realize I'm fully twenty-four hours behind schedule. I've had company, as has my friend Lisa. In her case, it's her Aunt Rosalie, the MOP (Mother of Priest) from Nutley, New Jersey, who was stopped at airport security for transporting a suspicious-looking Taylor Ham. Anyway, Aunt Ro came over to teach me how to clean the filter on my washing machine. No, not the dryer, the washing machine.

"How did you even know that your washing machine had a filter that needed to be cleaned?" I asked.

"Well," Aunt Ro said, "when I got my Maytag, I read the manual--"

"Stop right there," Lisa said. "We get it."

After digging out the instructions from the Archive of Appliance Manuals Both Present and Past, we discovered that my washing machine has a Magic Clean® system, so we moved on instead to a lesson in the Proper Folding and Storing of Plastic Bags.

Aunt Ro got very excited when I showed her my woefully inefficient system of saving unrecyclable bags.

So the lesson commenced:

Take any plastic bag...

Fold it lengthwise...

Then fold it into triangles, like a flag. Singing "Taps" is optional.

Tuck the leftover end into the slot that's now formed by the folds...

And voila! A plastic version of Spanakopita.

Just hope that the DEA doesn't show up at your door because it totally looks like packets of cocaine.

I swear, having learned how to do this simple task makes me unreasonably, disproportionately happy. Seriously, I can't wait to finish a loaf of bread so I can fold another bag.

You see, so much of my dream career is out of my control right now as I wait for two major media conglomerates (Sony Pictures and Random House) to decide how they want to proceed with me. The uncertainty can make me apoplectic, but I take comfort in the knowledge that one way I can exert a modicum of control over my life is by folding my spare plastic bags into tidy, satisfying little packages.

Try it. In a random, chaotic world where bad things can happen to good people, you can always fold a plastic bag.

And Aunt Ro says it helps build manual dexterity to battle arthritis.



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5 comments:

modernartifact said...

So... does Aunt Ro have anything to do with Aunt Glo?

i understand the excitement of things like folding plastic bags into nice little packages. i might have to try this. even though we store our plastic bags in an empty kleenex box (that's also very exciting, but maybe not as satisfying).

Step Right Up said...

Good Lord, Marc! What time do you think I have to fold every plastic bag in my plastic bag drawer into an itsy bitsy triangle? I'll tell you. About as much time as I have to read the owner's manual to my washing machine.

Layne said...

And what does one do with the plastic origami? I just keep my plastic bags to pick up the dog poo.

Charlotte said...

Oh, that Dave and his killer bread.

Kronda said...

I tried this out today and it's totally rad. I don't have time to fold each one either, so I put 10 or so together which makes the perfect bundle to throw in the bike bag for grocery store trips. Thanks!