Friday, December 5, 2008

New Day #344

After 22 years, Floyd and I tried switching sides of the bed. What amazes me is that we've been in the habit of me being on the left and him on the right for so long despite the fact that when either of us writes in bed our arms block the bedside lamps because I'm right-handed and he's left. It makes me feel profoundly stupid that we've never noticed.

Intriguingly, the dog switched, too. The result: for the last two nights we've all slept soundly without waking, which is unusual. Between the three of us, we typically manage to keep a 24 hour watch.

Guess we were overdue for a change.


The Mom said...

Blazer Dancer Mom is back. Do to a bad case of insomnia and cruising the internet I found you needed further vindication for yourself.
Ah the beauty of a public forum. If only I had one with which to manipulate opinions.

Marc it seems you and your minions are are in total agreement. Having fed them only your view it isn't strange. It is easy to categorize and dismiss people when they are presented as stereotypes. My anger makes me a "Texas cheerleader mom?" Why not a "feminazi?" Would your reply make you a "woman-hating homosexual?"

It is odd you did not choose to include our full exchange so I have done so:


''I slept on it and I am still fuming, below is what I posted on your blog:

“What no time to slam the Blazer Dancers on your blog? Or just saving that particular brand of sexism for the Oregonian? I am still seething at your characterization (or more aptly, character assassination) of the dancers as talentless, brainless and of ill-repute. Don't make assumptions about others based on your ill informed and biased views of women. I am busy urging my husband and my daughter's husband to seek you out and defend her honor. Better yet I should do it.”

But that wasn’t nearly enough. You owe my entire family and all the Blazer dancers and their families a big apology. How easy it is to be so enamored of your own clever turn of phrase that the hurt you cause others may evade your consciousness. In one of those odd coincidences, the day before your piece appeared, I received a call from an attorney interviewing family and friends of my daughter because she had been nominated for the Harpole award at Lewis and Clark Law school by her peers. His final question was “What can you tell me about your daughter that I did not ask?” My reply is that her intelligence is often underestimated because she is an attractive young woman. I have told my daughters that beauty and brains is a very powerful combination in a woman because they don’t see you coming. It seems you too are blind.

I'm sorry my piece upset you, but I stated quite clearly that "I'm sure the Blazers Dancers are all wholesome women with unblemished reputations," which, by definition, is the opposite of "ill-repute." Nowhere did I say they were either brainless or talentless, though I did write I "wasn't impressed," which is hardly the worst review imaginable.

What I DID say was that "between the knee-high boots and the booty shorts all that was missing was a stripper pole." In other words, the costumes are sexy and provocative. I think most people would agree and, what's more, that's the point of the costume. I understand you're upset but, in this case, don't blame the messenger.

I also understand that you're protective of your daughter, but urging your husband or your daughter's husband to "seek you out and defend her honor" implies a threat of physical violence, which I will have to report to the police.

Really? You expected no one to read between the lines? Your statements were only straightforward with nothing else implied? If I only had a sense of humor I and my family would have seen the wit of your words? And what is wrong with sexy and provocative? Does that imply stripper to you? There is a direct line between that reasoning and the blame that falls on rape victims because their dress or behavior implied “they were asking for it.”

Now where did you read the words “physical violence?” It seems you too read implications into words. I hope the officer that responds to your complaint is the fiancĂ© of one of the dancers who has been on the team with my daughter for the last 3 years.

Your reply is cowardly and defensive. Your sexism is so imbedded you don’t seem to recognize it. Being gay doesn’t excuse you from the dominant male culture that still seeks to objectify women and keep them in easily controlled categories.

Don’t bother contacting me again, unless you want to take responsibility for your words and apologize for the insult.''

That was our full exchange, I was done, I let it go. You on the other hand needed a public forum to do what exactly? Get support, have your adoring fans sooth your ego, tell you the "mom" was nuts, and help you justify your actions?

Again you proceed without thought for anyone but yourself. These dancers have families and lives you know nothing about. Many people assume gay men are pedophiles, promiscous, effeminate and any number of other vile things. Some people assume gay men are sensitive. You have certainly put to rest that assumption.

If you want a fight, you've got it. But if you want to expand your limited and narrow vision you have the opportunity to overcome your prejudices and see others as whole human beings.

And by the way to Layne & KathyN. I am sick to death of women attacking other women for supposedly crossing the line from Madonna to whore. Maybe you need to do some reading on the psychology of this split that is imposed on women. Controlling women's sexuality has been the tool society has used to control women period. Unlike you I am not conflicted about my (adult) daughter's sexual attractiveness. It does not define her it only adds to her beauty, intelligence and raw power. Marc had it wrong, being young and beautiful and wearing sexy clothes does not make you a slut, it does not make you need a pole. It just makes some people jealous.

PS My daughter was too busy studying for law school finals to write Marc, but she loved my letter and passed it on to the other dancers.
My husband also wrote a letter to the Oregonian editors who had the decency to apologize for the stripper implication.
December 6, 2008 2:27 AM

Mary said...

For some reason, I ended up reading that whole comment, and it just got more and more ridiculous. A nice alternative to work, I guess. . .

In response to your post, I've always thought it'd be interesting to sleep on the other side of my bed, but I sleep alone, so it kind of defeats the purpose. I end up just switching in the middle of the night

cyn said...

"Mom" needs a lot of therapy. I am so sorry, Marc, that she has stalked you all the way to your blog. She needs serious help to get over it and get on with her life.

In other news.... (got sidetracked by mom's outrageous rant) congratulations on being together 22 years and changing it up in the BR.

Anonymous said...

marc you obviously hit it right on the head

maria said...

The problem with changing sides, in bed, is that you see your partner´s other profile. Instead of the profile you are used to.
Or is it one of the advantages?

David said...

If Blazer Dancer Mom longs for a public forum, she can create her own blog, for free, like everyone else does. It's really not that hard.

Marc, it's amazing what a simple change of habits can do, re: bed positions. Glad you three are sleeping peacefully.

Fran said...

Oddly enough, Lillian and I trade sides in hotel rooms. I'm not entirely sure why, but we do. At home we can't -- her CPAP machine is where it is.

Layne said...

I think Blazer Cheerleader mom needs a new hobby. ASAP

Kate said...

I'm so glad the psyco mom felt the need to post her entire conversation with you. Now we can all laugh at how stupid she is. Her daughter's in Law School at Lewis in Clark and according to her mother very smart. She must have gotten her brains from her fathers side, cause mommy dearest is more than a bit coo coo for coco puffs.

MightyToyCannon said...

I'm afraid we would freak out the dog if we switched sides in bed. He's a creature of habit with an unerring ability to find just the right crook of the leg in which to nest. I'd hate to confuse him.

As for the Great Blazer Dancer Debate of 2008, this may be one of those times when it's best to just walk off the playing field rather than trying to engage in rationale argumentation. By expressing yourself in the public arena--whether in a book, a blog, a play or a newspaper article--you risk that somebody out there will take offense. That's the deal.

Oh wait ... haven't the Blazer Dancers also chosen to express themselves publicly? And doesn't that mean that they have opened themselves to opinions and judgments, including the risk of being compared to strippers? I hope, for their sake, that they understand that it goes with the territory. You shouldn't have to apologize for calling it as you see it.

therese said...

I wanted to comment on the switching sides of the bed might be associated with some Fen Shui principle. I hope you all enjoy peaceful sleep forever.

But instead: Blazer Mom has singled out her daughter as a victim. I hope daughter is as intelligent as stated and can move past such a stigma placed on her by her own mother.

Marc, you referred to an impression of a group and choice of costumes. Only Blazer Mom has turned it into a personal vendetta.

I have four daughters, all gorgeous and smart. None of them are interested in being cheerleaders. But if they were, and wore costumes as required, I know their dad and husbands/boyfriends would have the bigger issues with them being on display in such a way. Because, as men, they agree with you, Marc.