New Day #8

Apparently, I don't know squat. At least, that's what the trainer told me at the gym the other day. I won a free session and learned all kinds of New Things, the most important being that, if I did squats, I will look like this:I'm very excited about becoming a hulking mass of muscle and just hope that my new ginormous thighs won't make my johnson look too small. In the meantime, I learned that to shed fat (which I want to do--in the words of Emily in The Devil Wears Prada, "I'm just a stomach flu away from my goal weight"), I need to do squats. You see, muscles actually burn fat, so he told me I should concentrate on building the biggest muscles I have, which are my thighs and ass.

I know, I know, insert big ass joke here.