Sunday, March 2, 2008

New Day #66

A year ago I gave up alcohol, after having made the stunningly obvious realization that it's a dehydrating depressant with empty calories. I don't miss it much, though I harbor a fond nostalgia for what Tennessee Williams called "the click."

Well, finally, I've found an effective substitute. For those of you who would like to cut back on the sauce but still want to feel loose at parties, I highly recommend wearing an eye patch.

It's truly disorienting, throwing off both your peripheal sense as well as your depth perception. I went to a party to celebrate the 30th birthday of my buddy, writer Daniel Wilson, and found myself consistently standing too close to strangers.

Luckily, a couple of them were neuroscientists, who explained what I was experiencing by telling me about a famous experiment in which scientists sewed up the eyes of kittens.

Speaking of cats, here are some that look like Hitler.

6 comments:

David said...

Those cats...

Oh my God.

Katy said...

Yeah, I've been there with the eyepatch thing. One of my friends threw a pirate party a few years ago for his birthday. We had a bonfire down on the beach and I definitely stood too close to alot of people. Of course, I haven't given up alcohol, so that may have been all of the authentic "yo ho ho" rum I had been drinking. Heaven fear a girl in an eyepatch, swigging a hip flask...

Your blog always makes me smile :)

GR said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rick Andreoli said...

The eye patch is genius! I'd wear one too but I love the sauce way too much! And something tells me booze and eye patches don't mix.

Kelli N. said...

I would have loved to have seen you at that party. I might have to try this trick at some point (I don't know if I an extroverted enough).

I gave up alcohol a few years ago because I didn't want the extra calories or the headache the next day. I don't miss it. It can be hard to explain to people though. They assume that I am either a recovering alcoholic or a Southern Baptist.

Looking forward to more posts!

Ashley said...

Haha...you are too funny.
I am not much of a drinker and I think I am going to try this at my next outing. Good call. haha