Tuesday, March 11, 2008

New Day #75

Actually listened to the safety talk on the airplane, then did as I was told and consulted the safety card.

Warning: if you're afraid to fly, DO NOT CONSULT THE SAFETY CARD.

Here are actual images:

"If the aircraft plummets into the ocean or crashes into a mountain, PLEASE REFRAIN FROM SMOKING."

"Before you open the emergency exit door, please check to be sure our flight is not engulfed in flames or submerged under water."

"In the unlikely event of a water landing, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device to keep you afloat after the bottom half of your body has been devoured by sharks."

Thank you for choosing our airline. Headphones and Xanax are available for five dollars.


Debbi said...

I used to be able to do the little routine they put you though before taking off. The hand signals indicating where the exits are. Wave straight ahead (to the rear) to the sides (the sides) and all the while I'm sitting there in cased in seats. No room to climb over anyone. And there is no chance in hell you can climb OVER the seat without getting stuck under the over head.
And what good is a floating seat cushion gonna do me if I'm still stuck in the plane? I can't swim, so I'm gonna have to knock four other people in the head to steal their cushions, one for each limb and one to hold for myself. I need five, at the very least.

Anonymous said...
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Marc Acito said...
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Courrrtenay said...

a) This is a very funny post, and b) OMG, you're a GENIUS! Do you know how much damn money the airlines would make if they sold Xanax on airplanes? A Xanax + bloody mary = doesn't matter if I'm engulfed in flames.

Ashley said...

Goodness, I think I am a little scared now.

I hope I am never shark bait!

Step Right Up said...

Ahhhhh reassuring isn't it? Don't forget to fly the friendly skies!

David said...

Hopefully the impact would kill you and you wouldn't have to worry about all of that other stuff.


Kermit said...

What's so wrong about feeding the poor sharks? For God's sake, they are an endangered species!

Marc Acito said...

And just to show how safe our skies really are, check out this article about Southwest Airlines:


Jono said...


Have you seen this?


Thrilled you wrote a sequel,