Friday, March 28, 2008

New Day #92

In a sure sign of early middle age, I now look tired all the time, whether I am or not. I don't mind. I think the bags under my eyes lend me an air of gravitas, something I've never had. A little world-weariness is a desired quality in an author.

Still, there are some mornings when I think, "Yeesh, if I tried to get on an airplane with those bags, they'd charge me extra." I heard somewhere that hemorrhoid cream helps reduce swelling under the eyes. (That somewhere may have been Your Friend and Mine the Internet. Google "eyes hemorrhoid cream" and you get 24,600 hits.) I figured if the cream can reduce the swelling of the veins in your rectum, it should be able to do something for my gravitas.

Here's the before:

Here's the after:

See the difference?

Yeah, me neither.

4 comments:

Joyous said...

Oil-control astrigent, hemorrhoid cooling gel (Walgreens brand)and finally moisturizer and foundation are the four things I put on my face everyday. I put the hemorrhoid gel under my eyes and on my eyelids and it really tightens things up, takes the puffiness away. Try using it daily and see if you see a difference. I feel it...

gay CME guy said...

I remember the day (last year), when I saw myself in the mirror and said, "OMG, when did I become old?!" Yet, somewhat surprised that it didn't happen a few years earlier.

Step Right Up said...

I heard that Preparation H no longer had the same ingredient in it that would work on the under eye puffiness. So now I guess it only works on the puffiness in one's arse.

AllBeehive said...

Aw crap, now I'm going to want to go out and try this. These old Louis Vuitton's of mine, oy. I wonder if the can of spray they gave me in labor and delivery would work the same way. Jk.